Fighting off Anxiety Attacks ant Pleasant
Having Anxiety Attacks ant much of an enjoyment, nor should someone should have to go through it
First lets start this shit off by saying that the head line is by far the best choice for this rant. It all began around this time last year 2013 when I was going through some tough shit literally. It all started with blogger posting hardware news, gaming, entertainment, tutorials etc and I didn’t know why I was doing it, of course at first I did because it was fun. Then came February 2013 not to long after we move into a better worst place… I’ll touch more on this latter, that I knew there was something wrong with me. I had everything scheduled and need to follow it through even though I didn’t want to do it, and couldn’t understand why.
Every week I had to read about computer hardware no matter how I felt, then came the stress losing sleep couldn’t think straight couldn’t play games and that’s something I really enjoy doing. So much so that I went through the slow and painful process of learning everything about machines, and trust me I know enough over the course of eight years… lets just say it wasn’t stress that was causing the problem.
Then came people, I hated that I didn’t have no time to myself because there was always someone around me, and to top things off they weren’t even my friends. Its like I wanted my life back space let me bread basically. That’s when I couldn’t take it anymore and said the fuck with blogger and puched the news to every two weeks, witch was Hugh mistake on my behalf. It just made things worst, and it wasn’t getting any better nor did it feel like I had my space back either because their was still people around me. I’m the kind’ve guy that likes to be by himself and don’t mind if I go anywhere, sure jump in the vehicle go to the mall have a byte to eat but it wasn’t like that. It was like I had to entertain people just because they were around me.
So this was just about the summer time that I give up on the news and pushed it ahead every two weeks, sure it was great that I didn’t have to read about anything but I was really missing it truly. I decided to start over fresh because I need something to read about especially computers and started it up again once a week it was okay for while but still couldn’t break from everyone.
Blogger was done with the news was some what okay but not good enough, gaming wasn’t a priority even though I wanted to install something if felt like it was a chore to do so. Then came paper work driver license, credit cards etc you know personal shit. Got that all out of the way and then came fall this were it kinda started to get better, but still didn’t know what was wrong with me.
Gaming started to pick up again people started to fade in the background and I actually started playing electric guitar more something I had NO time for what so every. For awhile it kinda felt like it was normal again and I wasn’t been bother by other peoples shit or problems. Then said to myself after Christmas I’ll start reading Upgrading and Repairing PC’s 21th edition before I build my new system, 25% complete. All was good and even stated to look at blogging again if you reading this, then the nightmare started. It was like I was right back where I left off with blogger stress was rising, guitar was fading in the background things had to be scheduled posting PC Hardware news on the blog stuff like that then it hit me.
I have or should say got Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (ODC) and have had it all my life, didn’t know I had such a problem with it until I started thinking about it really hard, even when I was little… well if you want to call it little I was a little lord ass lol, things had to be clean and I mean clean organize example the remotes on the coffee table yet to this day have to be in order from big to small, all the gear in the house has to be up to date, firmware, software, security etc. Also I need to read the news because it feels like I was going to miss out on something just stupid shit like that man, completely stupid.
When searching ODC on the internet I came across one of my friends videos about ODC, we grew up together and I never thought there was anything wrong with him, but it turns out he has it worst then me. Fuck there’s people on the internet that’s worst then him and me put together period. He also has two books publish about his ODC and how he over came it, that’s what I’ve been doing so far this year and have to say it’s working.
First thing that’s going to be done and will never have to done again posting computer hardware news, it was just two days ago March 19th 2014 that I almost had other anxiety attack because of this shit. The first one was just after Christmas it felt like someone punched me hardest as they can right dead center in the chest. It was weeks were I couldn’t take any deep breaths or stretch, leaning ahead for long periods of time would just kill me. Honestly I thought I was dying from something but didn’t know what.
Were not talking about just flicking through the news either I mean I really really had a problem with it, see I always wanted to open a little PC repair shop and thought by raising the bar would help, turns out it just made things worst. So it was only like a week ago from this post or Rant what ever way you take it, that I made up my mind about the hole PC Repair thing. I’m not going to be fixing people Laptop’s because that’s not what inspired me to get into or this far. It’s all about fucking stupid Laptop’s, Smart Phone and Tables or someone trying to support/be like it, for the record I fucking hate all Laptop’s, Smart Phone and Tables why their so under power and completely utterly crap period. There’s noting you can say or do that ll change my mind hell I don’t even own a Phone oh sorry I mean Smart Phone what ever. Everything you can do on your stupid fucking phone I can do better on my monster machine.
There’s no more posting computer hardware news on my blog, Tom’s hardware, fudzilla, dailytech all of those place’s will never get a single packet from me again again all I continue see are stupid Laptop’s, Smart Phone, Tables and consoles something I hate. Don’t care if Bill gates is trying to resurrect Steve job from the dead using Windows 3.x on a Apple Lisa computer, don’t care who hacking who suing who fucking who I just don’t care anymore. When you stop caring about things the way you used to, it feels like there’s something new about it again when you go back. I guest just taking a break from anything helps you look at it from a different point of view.
So as of now 12:49am March 22, 2014 I’m a total different person, for computer news it’s just HardOCP one website and podcast from PC Perspective a week witch is no longer then one hour. This is coming from a guy that would sit down all day reading a shit load of news from many places, so four hours a month + – shouldn’t be noting compared to all day. Sure don’t get wrong I’ll still jump on ghacks website for a little software tutorial because you can never have the best application as there’s always something better to play around with, or reading the monthly magazine from Maximum PC and listening to their Podcast when messing around in the lab. Besides I love playing around with software or tweaking the operation system simple stuff. Keep it simple clean and just right I like that saying.
I can go on and on about this shit all night but that’s enough ranting for me, oh as of right now the lab is under renovations that’s why I said worst then better and strike it out because the workstation is in the living room beside the entertainment system because of mold and spores in the air. It’s not going to be all that fun when dealing with such shit in your home but it has to be done.
Since I’m the topic about fixing and building shit that’s other thing comes to mind I’ll be making a open test bed out of old computer cases for the computer room lab and sanding down my old guitar. I have a lot of cool and fun things to be doing this summer, plus I’m already in the process of building a new system and reading Upgrading and Repairing PC’s 21 Edition. But that ll have to wait until the mold problem is under control. So as of now I feel much better especially after writing this and also feel more relaxed and stress free then ever. Completely Decontaminated!!
Catch you on the rebound.
So Long Far Well Forever! When reading this over it felt exactly like this rant but not as much stress, and back then I didn’t know what was causing the problems but do now.
Here’s a follow up to what I said I was going to do. Don’t Tag YouTube videos to a playlist anymore to watch in the living room, NO More Computer Case’s now that I can definitely stand by especially after the fact that I dropped $431 on the Cooler Master Cosmos II so that’s off the list. SSD’s, DDR3 Ram, and Power Supply’s PSU, It seems that SSD’s has come to a crawl in the industry, because of the interface something every one as been talking about for the last three years. What did we get M.2 so much for SATA-Express right although it’s going to be in Intel’s Skylake in 2015 along with PCI-E Gen v4.0.
DDR3 Ram same as it was three years ago except for DDR4 Ram lower voltage 1.2v high speeds that’s it noting happening spectacular on that front. Power Supply there would only be one brand I would buy and that would be Corsair, getting the AX860i even Upgrading and Repairing PC’s recommend them along with Maximum PC. It’s like all the big and well known company’s want a PSU on the market these days. PC Power and Cooling got Sold for $850 Thousands to Firepower because OCZ files for Bankruptcy while their SSD’s got bought by Toshiba guest you thanks them for keeping the name of the drives. I was also right about them getting bought by another company, things has to change no matter if you like it or not. Maximum PC and the free software that used to come with their magazines is replaced with ghacks a wonderful place for software tutorials.
The only thing on my radar is ASUS ROG Maximus VI Hero board and Intel’s 4770K CPU already up to speed on the gear and in the process of building a new system. House, Car, Three cats (little monsters) and a supporting girlfriend everything has to be maintain and keep up to date. Renovations are in the process as of this update and still love my three little monsters oh and the girlfriend when shes sleeping.
Lose some weight, push some weights, learn about five songs three of them been from Iron Maiden, read Upgrading and Repairing PC’s 20th Edition, study part’s that fail the most in a car and change them myself, turn half of the house into solar power now that I have a shed awesome.
Now that’s something else that’s crazy because I did lose a lot of weight and did look into the gym but not when their charging about $200 for a year membership that’s not even open all year around okay what the fuck ever on that one. Guitar you can check that out under Entertainment, Upgrading and Repairing PC’s 20th Edition ended up with the 21th edition for Christmas from the girlfriend witch was nice and awesome, because I didn’t like the 20th edition. Ha now comes a little rage I think I hate vehicles just as much as stupid Laptop’s, Smart Phone, Tables and consoles, although I did study the way it works I just couldn’t take a liking too it especially when you don’t have the right tools to work with and it wasn’t like I was going to spend hundreds of dollars on something I hated. Nevertheless I did know what was wrong with the vehicle at the end. I’ll leave that part for some poor sucker.
For solar power, something else I was studying and the price for a solar panel is absolutely crazy, not only do you need space for such project but a lot room for the batteries. Might mess around with something small because I love how power works, when I have noting else to do that is around the house.
If you didn’t know by now even the way we play PC Games has changed pretty hard in the last three years or so one example Sim City 3 always-on enough said. Sim City 3 finally fixed the game for offline mode not that I give a damn. Steam has become the place for gaming although I kinda hate the fact of not having a box copy of the game. It was just last night steam was under attack and I couldn’t log in to play my game, will I was logged in but got disconnected. Still didn’t get to play 20+ games but have been playing others more then every, save the best for last right.
I won’t be Studying anything from AMD maybe there Graphics just because I love seen Nvidia Crushing them. The fuck with AMD and all their APU’s, everything too these guys are APU’s small form factors what about their two year old 990FX Chipset and not to mention their FX-9370 and FX-9590 220w CPU’s wow just can’t wrap my head around it 220w why the hell would you launch such a power hungry chip really why and it’s not like it can out perform Intel.
Now comes the websites Toms Hardware, HardOCP, Fudzilla, PC Perspective and Maximum PC I’ll keep dropping into for the Weekly News. If you read this far you’ll know that the only places I check for news are HardOCP and PC Perspective Podcast, Maximum PC’s monthly magazine and Podcast. So that just about wraps everything up and looking back a year ago up till now I have changed big time and for once happy about how everything turned out.